[0.0s] Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[30.0s] We will hurry and hope that you make it until we get back.
[46.0s] Also, what's the best course of action when we are face-to-face with the Lich?
[50.6s] Don't be face-to-face with the Lich.
[53.0s] Well, that's unhelpful.
[54.0s] But, like, I feel like we're going to end up there.
[57.2s] Yeah, if we don't end up face-to-face with the Lich, we've died somewhere between level, like, bottom and mid-level.
[64.0s] That is the concern.
[65.8s] Don't worry.
[67.0s] I can bring you back.
[68.2s] And I can heal you before you go and have to be brought back.
[73.0s] Okay.
[75.0s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[76.8s] We're a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast.
[79.8s] And I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
[81.4s] And with me today is Tom Laird.
[83.4s] Hey, that's me.
[84.4s] I am playing FlintFirebeard.
[86.8s] And Carla Maxted.
[88.6s] That is me.
[89.4s] I am playing Yenbul Nury.
[91.6s] And Amy More.
[93.6s] That's me.
[94.2s] I'm playing Thea Amastasia.
[99.4s] Uh-oh.
[99.8s] Russ is self-destructing.
[101.4s] He's a shorting out?
[102.4s] What happened?
[102.8s] How's everybody doing tonight?
[103.8s] I forgot to update him, you guys.
[105.6s] I'm so sorry.
[106.6s] Just plug him in for a second.
[108.6s] Restart him.
[109.4s] We checked all the computers, but then forgot to check the main computer.
[112.6s] Download some new drivers, get them right back up and running.
[115.0s] That's right.
[115.6s] It'll be fine.
[116.6s] We got it.
[117.8s] How is everybody?
[118.6s] That was the question I was going to ask.
[120.6s] So good.
[121.6s] Doing well.
[122.6s] Good, good, good, good.
[124.8s] You know, peek behind the curtain.
[126.4s] It's been a while since we've played these characters.
[128.0s] How's everybody feeling about that?
[129.8s] I totally remember who Thea is.
[131.6s] Yeah, 100%.
[132.4s] She's me.
[133.2s] I mean, Flint and Thea, we've been playing them for 18 years.
[136.6s] Yeah, I think they should be fine.
[138.8s] It's been a while.
[139.6s] How about Yimble?
[141.4s] I mean, we'll see.
[142.2s] It's going to be real action packed, probably.
[146.2s] We are trying to storm a lich's floating fortress.
[150.0s] That's fine.
[150.6s] Super stoked.
[151.8s] It's such a bad idea, you guys.
[153.2s] We're just going to go head on.
[154.6s] It's such a bad idea.
[156.0s] You know what I have written here?
[157.4s] Wow, this is a bad idea.
[158.2s] So much action.
[159.0s] Look at all this writing here.
[160.2s] Oh my god.
[162.6s] So that'll be fun.
[164.2s] But I just need to apologize to you guys because I am a spellcaster
[168.2s] and I am not experienced at that.
[170.0s] And now there'll be a lot of like, hold on.
[173.4s] I know I have a thing that does a thing.
[175.4s] I still do that, Carla.
[176.8s] Yeah, it's perfect.
[178.0s] And it's been 18 years.
[179.2s] And it's been 18 years.
[182.6s] That's good.
[183.6s] Where you can help us learn to play better is over on Patreon.
[186.4s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragoncast.
[188.4s] You can send us all the suggestions you want.
[191.2s] And we'll take practically none of them.
[193.4s] We listen and then promptly forget, typically.
[197.2s] But people do try to help.
[198.8s] I'm always like, oh, that's a really good idea.
[201.0s] That's a really good insight.
[202.2s] And then it's gone from my brain forever.
[204.2s] Exactly.
[204.8s] Yeah, why is that?
[206.0s] But you do have direct access to us over on Patreon
[209.0s] because you can message us over there.
[210.6s] You can join our Discord, which
[212.8s] has exclusive Patreon channels where you can ask us
[215.9s] all the questions and give us all the answers that we
[219.4s] because we will probably ask you questions.
[221.4s] How does this thing work again?
[223.4s] But also, when you're a patron,
[225.4s] you get an episode dedicated to you.
[226.8s] Like today's patron, her fierceness.
[230.4s] I bow to you, her fierceness.
[232.4s] Nice.
[233.0s] Oh, that's so intimidating.
[234.6s] Thank you, her fierceness.
[236.6s] Find out more at Patreon.com slash dumb dragoncast.
[239.0s] And now, fuck it, let's play D&D.
[242.4s] The four of you, Yen Bull, Flint, Thea, and Mannix,
[247.6s] had decided not to immediately storm the pyramid,
[250.6s] but instead perhaps do some strategizing
[253.8s] and figure out what was the best way to do that.
[258.4s] You had asked Mannix kind of what you can expect
[261.7s] when going up against a lich,
[263.2s] as they said that they might have some insight.
[267.0s] Now, the four of you have been seated around a campfire
[270.2s] and Mannix has been spending their time trying
[272.8s] to prepare you as best they can.
[276.4s] Well, taking their time mixing up different potions
[281.2s] and elixirs.
[283.4s] Mannix, throughout this, not really addressing anyone
[288.4s] in particular, enters a sort of monologue here.
[292.7s] They say, what are we about to walk into?
[298.9s] A lich's lair.
[301.1s] What do we hope to find?
[302.6s] Well, his phylactery.
[306.2s] To answer your question, what can we know about a lich?
[311.4s] A lich is an alpha undead.
[316.5s] It's what happens when a wizard decides
[319.3s] immortality is the only route.
[323.5s] Reads the fine prints on the contract and says,
[326.1s] yeah, I'm good with that.
[329.3s] A lich is a creature that resists
[331.8s] and is immune to more things
[333.9s] than you can ever begin to think to dole out.
[337.5s] They'll resist cold, lightning, and necrotic.
[342.7s] They can't be charmed or frightened,
[345.7s] paralyzed or poisoned.
[347.5s] And if you destroy their lich form,
[350.2s] it is merely an inconvenience for them
[352.4s] to rebuild themselves.
[355.4s] No, if you want to kill a lich,
[358.1s] you have to destroy their corpse.
[363.4s] Hidden and protected deep within their phylactery.
[367.3s] Or in this case, my guess is in the peak of this pyramid
[372.5s] as Mannix nonchAlydintly points up
[375.8s] and towards the pyramid.
[378.8s] Traps, labyrinths, puzzles, poisons,
[383.3s] monsters, and torture of your mind and body
[387.8s] are what we can expect.
[390.7s] You shouldn't trust anything you see.
[393.7s] And heaven forbid, if you get separated,
[397.1s] you should barely trust yourself.
[400.8s] Shangalar will be prepared and ready
[403.8s] for someone to strike at his heart,
[406.1s] especially as he rolls out war across Kalimshan.
[411.6s] We must be ever vigilant and ready
[414.6s] for anything he can throw at us.
[417.4s] We must be prepared for a long, hard battle.
[422.6s] We must be prepared to survive.
[426.3s] If he senses weakness, doubt, or despair,
[430.2s] that will be our undoing.
[432.8s] We will be stronger together and hopefully
[436.2s] succeed in stopping Shangalar.
[440.0s] And he looks to Flint.
[442.6s] And hopefully save your souls.
[447.4s] We cut to a clearing and we see a group of huts
[470.4s] in the middle of the forest.
[472.8s] We move towards a large communal hut
[476.0s] at the center of this settlement.
[477.8s] And inside we see what looks like this entire village
[480.9s] gathered at a town hall.
[483.8s] In the center, surrounded by all of the people
[486.4s] from this community, are Massoud and Zana.
[490.5s] They stand before two of the town elders of the Genisar.
[498.5s] We met them in the forest.
[502.0s] Well, actually, we were followed by them in the forest.
[507.0s] Their skills for tracking were quite impressive.
[511.3s] Yenbul says she trained with us and asks for our help.
[520.0s] They're going to take on the Lich.
[523.2s] Shangalar.
[524.8s] And you think this is our fight?
[527.4s] Isn't it everyone's?
[530.3s] Shangalar, as they say, is rolling out forces
[533.1s] across Kalimshan.
[534.5s] They've already struck Kalimport,
[537.0s] who's to say that they won't move everywhere else.
[543.7s] Well, we've always been able to protect ourselves here.
[547.8s] Is that all that matters?
[549.6s] It's the most important thing.
[552.3s] We've always helped those who have fought for freedom
[555.1s] and come to seek our aid.
[558.1s] That doesn't mean we need to go looking for a fight.
[564.1s] Four people going into his lair.
[574.1s] They will surely die.
[578.1s] Or will they be a small enough group
[581.1s] to get through undetected?
[583.1s] You don't think they're going to be greeted
[585.1s] at the front door?
[588.6s] The Lich sees all.
[590.6s] Perhaps the Lich will underestimate them.
[593.1s] Well, they are the Decimators of Dragons.
[595.2s] Their name precedes them.
[597.2s] Do they fly a banner that proclaims them as such?
[601.7s] No, but they are a recognizable group.
[608.1s] And so what would you have us do?
[611.0s] Send forces, send soldiers and people to help them.
[616.6s] If we sit here, we're just waiting
[618.7s] for them to bring the fight to us.
[620.5s] No one will be safe.
[621.7s] We're ignorant if we think we can just sit here and hide.
[628.0s] Yes, well, perhaps we should put it to a vote.
[634.6s] This is not, we do not rule you.
[637.3s] We are all part of the same community.
[640.3s] We work together and fight together.
[643.4s] So perhaps we should vote.
[649.8s] OK.
[654.3s] A vote occurs.
[656.5s] Votes within the Genesar community are of the people.
[660.7s] Everybody is equal.
[664.3s] We'll say that just for even numbers sake
[666.7s] that there's 100 people in this tent.
[670.5s] And if someone would roll me percentile dice, please.
[674.9s] It's not going to be me.
[676.3s] I want to win this thing.
[679.7s] Somebody else roll.
[681.9s] It's a lot of pressure.
[687.4s] Masood and Zana stand at the center of their community.
[694.6s] The elders call a vote.
[699.4s] Hands begin to raise around in favor
[705.7s] of helping the decimators of dragons.
[710.6s] Masood and Zana spin to try and see.
[714.2s] And we zoom in on their faces.
[717.8s] And they let out a long sigh.
[724.6s] And we cut back to Flint, Thea, Yen Bull, and Mannix.
[735.4s] So do you have any questions?
[740.2s] Yes.
[743.0s] You said we could not destroy his form,
[745.7s] but that we must destroy his corpse.
[748.5s] So you mean his body, his original body is somewhere.
[754.9s] And that is what we must find.
[757.5s] Yes.
[758.7s] Oh, it's like a fucked up scavenger hunt.
[761.2s] OK, so that's probably going to be the most heavily guarded.
[767.3s] Do we try to get there first and have that be our goal?
[774.1s] I mean, there's only four of us going up against a lich.
[778.6s] I don't know.
[779.7s] Untold, undead?
[782.7s] And a lich who seems to be so powerful.
[789.9s] I don't know how we fight such a creature.
[795.6s] Well, not with lightning bolts or blight, apparently.
[801.4s] Or cold swords.
[804.5s] Or poison.
[805.8s] Or being frightening.
[807.8s] I can't even turn into a winter wolf and blast him.
[813.6s] That's like my go-to, you guys.
[817.0s] Your skills are largely magic-based, Yen Bull and Thea,
[823.6s] yes?
[825.0s] Yes.
[825.8s] Yes.
[827.2s] Revealing that will place a target on you first.
[831.4s] Well, I'm not too bad with a bow.
[835.6s] I'm OK with a bow.
[837.4s] I have a bow.
[840.0s] You seem very confident in your abilities.
[843.6s] I have a bow.
[846.2s] And what a bow.
[848.3s] I also have some weapons, but they are not my strong suit.
[857.4s] Word, sister.
[859.4s] I have been training all my life to fight with magic.
[864.0s] We don't know what we'll go up against the second
[866.0s] we appear in his pyramid.
[870.2s] We can hope that there's not a greeting party.
[879.0s] My guess is he has contingencies
[881.4s] for all occurrences, though.
[885.6s] Well, when you are traveling
[887.4s] in a giant pyramid in the air,
[893.8s] I can only imagine that he's got protections in place.
[901.6s] Do you think?
[903.5s] I suppose all of his tasks are done by Undead.
[909.0s] We cannot try to sneak in and really
[914.6s] pretend to be normal workers.
[918.8s] This is not an option.
[921.2s] All his menial labor done by Undead, I assume.
[926.2s] Anyone here really good at disguises?
[929.0s] How does the pyramid fly?
[931.2s] Does he do that with magic?
[934.4s] Hey, pyramid, you magic?
[936.4s] You magic?
[937.8s] Can I ask the pyramid?
[942.8s] The exact source is unknown,
[945.0s] but it could be presumed that it is magic of his own creation.
[951.6s] Well, that's probably something we want to keep in mind.
[953.8s] You kill the source of the magic.
[956.8s] Pyramid goes boom.
[960.0s] Goes boom or hurtles down to Earth,
[963.6s] creating a crater the size of Calumport.
[968.8s] Yeah, that's what I said.
[971.8s] Now, with a normal wizard,
[975.6s] they eventually tire from using so much of their magics.
[980.0s] Is that not the case with the Lich or is it the same sort of thing
[983.4s] where he only has a certain amount to draw on
[986.8s] before he needs to take like a power nap?
[990.4s] Does he have a nap time?
[992.1s] Can we get his nap schedule?
[994.6s] It is true that his magic can wane.
[998.8s] But can it Garth?
[1002.8s] Party on, Wayne.
[1008.8s] I had to.
[1010.2s] Did you?
[1011.6s] I did.
[1012.4s] I mean, I feel like our podcast has a pretty thorough Mike Myers contingent to it.
[1017.6s] How could I not?
[1018.8s] That's fair.
[1019.8s] The people, it's what the people want.
[1022.6s] I mean, I'm pretty sure that they don't.
[1025.0s] Well, it's what the people, you know what?
[1027.6s] It's not the comedy people want.
[1029.6s] It's the comedy they need.
[1031.2s] It's fair.
[1031.8s] Yeah, fair.
[1033.6s] All right, Batman.
[1035.0s] Yep.
[1037.6s] It's true his magic can wane.
[1041.5s] We would have to be precise in our approach.
[1046.8s] The one thing we have at our side is that he believes he cannot be killed.
[1056.3s] Have we gone over the idea of coming in as admirers?
[1061.8s] You know, hey, you're the big new power.
[1065.1s] We'd love to work for you.
[1066.7s] Oh, hold on.
[1067.5s] Not as undead though.
[1068.7s] Hey, I've never like battled a lich before.
[1071.8s] We like shoot some things back and forth.
[1074.5s] Lower his power level a little bit, right?
[1077.8s] Then he needs to go take a nap.
[1080.3s] That's when, you know, that's when we strike.
[1085.0s] So you want to duel him as a lesser than in his organization?
[1094.2s] Absolutely.
[1095.0s] But just for funsies.
[1097.7s] Not really looking to hurt each other, right?
[1099.7s] Just like stretching the old muscles.
[1103.0s] You know, you know what?
[1104.7s] I bet he's asking himself, when's the last time anyone's ever,
[1108.5s] like, come to spar with me?
[1112.4s] I mean, he's sparring with the entire city of Calumport right now.
[1117.3s] Well, it's not really a sparring match.
[1119.2s] We know you're going to win.
[1121.6s] I think you might have answered your own question about
[1124.4s] whether or not he would want to spar with us.
[1128.4s] Okay, fine.
[1129.7s] I'm just, I'm just, you know, throwing him out there.
[1132.3s] You never know.
[1133.7s] We need to have ideas because it's so, it's so overwhelming.
[1137.6s] Fucking crazy.
[1139.1s] How do we, we must do it.
[1141.9s] But how do we do it?
[1144.0s] It seems impossible.
[1145.5s] There is only four of us.
[1148.0s] Also, guys, I think I'm straight up the weak link in here.
[1151.5s] I just want everyone to know that.
[1155.3s] As Manix had his little moment.
[1159.7s] You fought Tiamat.
[1160.7s] You are a decimator of dragon.
[1162.1s] I am just an explorer.
[1163.9s] I am a very different person from when I fought Tiamat.
[1167.1s] And frankly, if I may say so, which I can,
[1170.5s] because it's about myself.
[1172.3s] I'm a wee bit unstable.
[1173.9s] There are times when I like black out
[1175.9s] into some crazy hallucination
[1178.3s] and then like, I don't even know.
[1182.4s] I'm a little bit worried.
[1183.3s] I'm not going to lie.
[1184.1s] So, you know, someone has to do some
[1189.4s] secret sneaky stuff.
[1192.0s] I don't know if I'm a good person
[1194.5s] to put in for sneaky stuff.
[1197.2s] Maybe just being completely honest
[1199.4s] because I don't want to get anyone else killed.
[1202.8s] So what do we do?
[1203.5s] Do we go back?
[1204.6s] Do we go back to Kalimport and fight?
[1208.4s] But then it seems like an unending enemy.
[1210.8s] Just undead after undead.
[1213.2s] There's no shortage of undead.
[1215.4s] More being made every day.
[1217.0s] One guy up there.
[1218.8s] I mean, is the time to go now
[1221.7s] while he's preoccupied with Kalimport?
[1226.4s] Perhaps that makes sense.
[1229.1s] He is using much of his power to fight.
[1233.6s] Destroying my beloved city.
[1237.9s] Perhaps he is due for a nap
[1239.4s] from all the city destroying.
[1242.6s] I mean, we're really banking on this whole nap situation.
[1245.5s] We really are.
[1246.3s] It's very important.
[1248.5s] It's the key to our plan.
[1249.9s] I mean, do we have anything else?
[1252.4s] No, we have naps.
[1254.9s] That's what we have.
[1256.9s] It seems like a very Decimator of Dragons solution, though.
[1260.1s] It really does.
[1261.2s] Oh, he's just going to be down for a little quick cat nap.
[1263.7s] You know, we'll sip in, axe the head.
[1266.7s] It'll be fine.
[1268.7s] Is it a Decimator of Dragons thing
[1270.6s] or is it just our podcast thing?
[1272.3s] Because I feel like we've had some, like,
[1275.8s] long games thrown in there.
[1277.4s] We come in.
[1278.0s] We want to become part of this undead horde.
[1281.3s] You know, we're going to move in down the street.
[1283.0s] We're going to see how long this takes.
[1284.8s] We'll play some board games or have games night.
[1286.9s] It'll be great.
[1288.5s] We'll develop a fondness.
[1290.4s] Look, you guys yell at Opal for this all the fucking time.
[1293.6s] Yeah, it's a different dynamic we've got here.
[1295.9s] This is a safe space.
[1297.1s] Yeah, fair enough.
[1301.9s] It's Flint, Thea, and now our good friend Yen Bull.
[1304.8s] Exactly.
[1305.8s] It's a safe space.
[1307.6s] Your thought that he may be otherwise occupied
[1311.1s] may play to our advantage.
[1313.9s] Well, I don't want to lose that advantage.
[1316.0s] I mean, he's soon going to overtake the city
[1320.2s] and be moving on to the next.
[1321.6s] There'll be a lull.
[1323.3s] If he's still in the middle of it all,
[1325.2s] I say let's strike while the iron is hot.
[1329.5s] Yes, if there is a way I can save even one small part
[1332.4s] of my beloved Kalimport, I would like to try.
[1337.7s] What's in those potions you've been mixing?
[1339.4s] Is it anything that's going to help us?
[1343.3s] No, as he was mixing them, they're all like-
[1344.7s] It's Dr. Pepper.
[1345.7s] It's lightning.
[1347.1s] I mean, that gives it a nice shot of energy for us.
[1351.5s] These are-
[1352.7s] Some crystal mountain dew.
[1354.7s] Ooh.
[1356.6s] Let's all decide together on what Manix has been mixing.
[1362.3s] Things that are helpful, obviously potions of healing.
[1366.0s] Yeah, that'd be good.
[1368.0s] What else do we think would be beneficial in this time
[1372.4s] if we were to search for potions?
[1376.4s] Probably something that could hold a lich.
[1381.2s] I think him not moving or being able to speak
[1383.7s] or anything like that would be very helpful.
[1385.2s] Can he make something like that
[1386.9s] that could freeze him in time?
[1388.9s] With a potion?
[1389.9s] Yeah.
[1390.5s] Interesting.
[1391.7s] We'll trick this undead lich into drinking the potion.
[1394.9s] How about something that could make us invisible
[1397.4s] or undetectable or extra sneaky?
[1401.8s] Something like that.
[1403.0s] Something like a trace potion.
[1405.0s] That's not how we use that.
[1407.0s] Okay, let's just run down the list here
[1409.1s] and see if anything jumps out.
[1410.4s] Potion of mind reading.
[1412.0s] Potion of animal friendship.
[1413.6s] Potion of heroism.
[1415.6s] Potion of poison.
[1417.2s] Watchful rest.
[1418.8s] Isn't that just poison?
[1420.7s] Yeah, potion of poison.
[1422.6s] Does it make you poisonous?
[1424.2s] This concoction looks, smells, and tastes
[1425.8s] like a potion of healing or other beneficial potion.
[1428.5s] However, it is actually poison,
[1430.4s] masked by illusion magic.
[1432.8s] Tricky, that's mean.
[1434.8s] Watchful rest.
[1435.8s] Fire breath.
[1436.9s] Vitality.
[1438.7s] Giant size.
[1440.1s] Longevity.
[1441.6s] Comprehension.
[1443.0s] I take a vitality and a giant size
[1446.1s] just for my own reasons.
[1448.1s] I was gonna say giant size, maybe.
[1452.5s] I'm just kidding, Russ.
[1455.7s] Just making a penis joke.
[1458.9s] Become giant.
[1460.2s] Would my spells have more damage?
[1462.7s] That's my question.
[1463.7s] Spells, no.
[1465.9s] It's bullshit.
[1466.7s] Melee, yes, because your shit grows with you.
[1469.5s] I would still need.
[1470.9s] What about like an enstrongening potion?
[1473.4s] So we could be stronger?
[1476.3s] Envigens the noble spirit.
[1479.6s] Potion of invulnerability.
[1482.4s] Something like that sounds pretty good.
[1484.1s] For one minute after you drink this potion,
[1485.8s] you have resistance to all damage.
[1488.4s] The potion's syrupy liquid looks like a liquefied iron.
[1491.9s] I think he's made one of each of those for us.
[1495.9s] Is there anything like a potion of haste?
[1498.5s] I don't think it is.
[1500.2s] Sorry?
[1501.2s] Is there a potion of haste or anything in that list?
[1505.2s] Probably, we got invisibility.
[1507.0s] Because haste is real helpful, y'all.
[1509.8s] Yeah.
[1510.7s] Can anybody cast haste?
[1512.2s] Just out of curiosity.
[1513.6s] I know potions are better because it's not a spell.
[1518.8s] Potion of mind control.
[1521.5s] I would have to get him to,
[1523.4s] even then it wouldn't work because he can't.
[1525.8s] Flying growth, resistance.
[1528.8s] Potion of possibility.
[1531.8s] Oh.
[1532.8s] That's nice, very inspirational.
[1534.8s] When you drink this clear potion,
[1536.3s] you gain two fragments of possibility,
[1538.3s] each of which looks like a tiny grayish bead of energy
[1541.5s] that follows you around.
[1543.0s] Original D20 roll has advantage or disadvantage,
[1546.0s] and then the, oh, so it basically just grants you
[1549.0s] a couple advantages.
[1551.0s] Is a lich a humanoid or something different?
[1554.0s] Undead.
[1555.0s] Okay.
[1556.0s] Yeah.
[1557.0s] Potion of maximum power.
[1560.0s] Mm-mm.
[1561.0s] For the first time you cast a damage-dealing spell,
[1565.0s] a fourth level or lower,
[1566.0s] within one minute after drinking this potion,
[1568.0s] instead of rolling dice to determine the damage,
[1571.0s] you instead use the highest.
[1574.0s] Mm.
[1575.0s] I mean, that could be fun for one of y'all.
[1578.0s] Not for you because you roll such high damage anyway.
[1581.0s] Well, it's a spell.
[1582.0s] Well, I don't have spells, so.
[1584.0s] Oh, fair enough.
[1585.0s] Potion of giant strength.
[1588.0s] Potion of clairvoyance.
[1590.0s] Yeah, Flint had one of those.
[1592.0s] Potion of healing, water breath, speed.
[1596.0s] Water breath.
[1598.0s] When you drink this potion,
[1599.0s] you gain the effect of the haste spell for one minute,
[1601.0s] no consecration required.
[1603.0s] So a potion of speed.
[1606.0s] Basically, you get like an extra action on your turn
[1609.0s] every turn.
[1610.0s] Haste is dope.
[1611.0s] Yeah, and you get extra movement and a couple other things.
[1616.0s] Dex, I think, has advantage.
[1618.0s] All dex checks and that sort of thing.
[1620.0s] Right.
[1621.0s] Because yeah, I also, this character only has one action.
[1625.0s] Yep.
[1626.0s] Same thing.
[1627.0s] Spell time, baby.
[1628.0s] Well, not you anymore.
[1629.0s] Not anymore.
[1630.0s] I've got two actions.
[1631.0s] Only one of them can be a spell, though, I think we said.
[1634.0s] Well.
[1635.0s] Yep.
[1636.0s] Diminution.
[1639.0s] Diminution.
[1640.0s] Say that word for me.
[1641.0s] Makes you smaller.
[1642.0s] Okay.
[1643.0s] Yeah, you said it right.
[1644.0s] Diminutive.
[1645.0s] It's a diminutive spell.
[1646.0s] So we go Ant-Man.
[1647.0s] We go tiny.
[1648.0s] Could we go tiny and sneak in?
[1650.0s] Could we go tiny and sneak in?
[1652.0s] It would drop you a level, like a size.
[1655.0s] Oh.
[1656.0s] So you would go from medium to small.
[1658.0s] So we just drink like six of them.
[1660.0s] We go to the quantum realm.
[1662.0s] Right?
[1663.0s] We can move between the molecules.
[1666.0s] What was the fan theory that Ant-Man was going to go in Thanos' butt and then expect it?
[1670.0s] That's right.
[1671.0s] That's right, yeah.
[1672.0s] That would have been so good.
[1674.0s] Could you imagine if that's how they ended that film franchise?
[1678.0s] That huge fucking battle scene and then just explodes out his ass.
[1683.0s] Amazing.
[1684.0s] Yeah.
[1685.0s] Potion of climbing.
[1686.0s] Gaseous form.
[1687.0s] Gaseous form.
[1688.0s] That's what happens after he climbs into Thanos' butt.
[1693.0s] Hey-o.
[1694.0s] Healing back to giant.
[1696.0s] Now we're repeating some stuff.
[1698.0s] Okay.
[1699.0s] Well, I think we got a few good ones in there.
[1701.0s] How many are you willing to give us?
[1703.0s] That's the real question.
[1704.0s] Say they had time to mix seven potions.
[1708.0s] That's a lot more than I thought you'd give us.
[1711.0s] Well, I'm thinking you're going to heavy up on some healing shit.
[1714.0s] So really, it's less.
[1717.0s] That's my guess.
[1718.0s] I'll let you all decide.
[1719.0s] So we wrote down healing, vitality, giant size for if you want a big dick.
[1725.0s] Who doesn't?
[1727.0s] Invulnerability, invisibility, maximum power, speed, and then I also wrote down
[1732.0s] diminution.
[1734.0s] The smaller.
[1735.0s] Make you smaller.
[1737.0s] If you want to go in his butt.
[1741.0s] No, but you need to have so many of them.
[1742.0s] You got to have six of those.
[1743.0s] They have to be all that one.
[1745.0s] That's right.
[1747.0s] I do have.
[1749.0s] We haven't had any kind of chance to do any of this yet, but I do have a
[1753.0s] lot of healing spells because I am a cleric.
[1757.0s] I do have healing spells as well.
[1759.0s] So I'll try not to let you all die this time.
[1763.0s] I also will try not to let you all die.
[1767.0s] But yeah, I took quite a few healing spells.
[1772.0s] So cool.
[1773.0s] FYI.
[1775.0s] So maybe we could have potions that would be more for like advantage of
[1779.0s] actually.
[1780.0s] Because I mean, if we can't get in and get past the guards and shit.
[1787.0s] I'll run down the list again.
[1789.0s] Healing, invulnerability, invisibility, maximum power, speed, and smallsies.
[1796.0s] Invulnerability was the one on spell damage.
[1799.0s] It's resistance to all damages for one.
[1802.0s] I want to say one hour, but I'm going to check that.
[1804.0s] Who here has the lowest hit points?
[1806.0s] One minute.
[1807.0s] Yeah, sorry.
[1809.0s] Who here has the lowest hit points?
[1811.0s] Invisibility was one hour.
[1813.0s] I don't know.
[1814.0s] I have 115.
[1816.0s] I have 125.
[1818.0s] That is definitely Carla.
[1819.0s] I'm pretty sure I have more than everybody combined.
[1821.0s] Probably.
[1822.0s] Sounds right.
[1823.0s] It's close.
[1824.0s] It's close.
[1825.0s] It's close.
[1826.0s] Well, I think one of us should have invisibility because wouldn't that be
[1832.0s] great to have the upper hand of someone.
[1836.0s] However, last time we had someone go invisible, the bitch bad guy could see
[1845.0s] them anyway.
[1846.0s] Yeah, true sight's a thing.
[1848.0s] And if he's really powerful, it's likely.
[1851.0s] And if he's another bitch bad guy.
[1853.0s] That's all I make is bitch bad guys.
[1855.0s] I know.
[1856.0s] Is there even anything else you can make?
[1858.0s] No.
[1859.0s] Just the bitches.
[1860.0s] All right.
[1861.0s] Well, I'll take one healing and one speed.
[1864.0s] Okay.
[1865.0s] One in healing, one in speed.
[1867.0s] That leaves us with.
[1868.0s] Now, what is the healing of these potions?
[1870.0s] We're going to say they're big heels.
[1872.0s] Like all the way back up?
[1875.0s] Probably not all the way.
[1876.0s] Do the heels light up and have wheels on them?
[1879.0s] Yeah.
[1880.0s] You got it.
[1881.0s] Perfect.
[1882.0s] What is the healing of healing?
[1884.0s] We're going to say, because this is a big bad moment, superior healing.
[1890.0s] So 84 plus eight.
[1893.0s] All right.
[1897.0s] I mean, 84 isn't really that much when you think about it.
[1900.0s] Actually, it isn't.
[1901.0s] Now that I'm thinking about it, I was like, oh, I thought it was like 88.
[1904.0s] 1636 plus eight.
[1907.0s] So max 42 if you were to max out all your dice.
[1911.0s] If it's that or death.
[1913.0s] Sure.
[1914.0s] Yeah.
[1915.0s] Yeah.
[1916.0s] I think the invulnerability or invincibility or whatever you said would be good, even
[1922.0s] if only for a minute.
[1923.0s] At least it's, I mean, it's a long time in combat.
[1925.0s] It's a minute to get in.
[1926.0s] Yeah.
[1927.0s] It's 10 rounds.
[1928.0s] Can I have that too?
[1929.0s] Okay.
[1930.0s] So two in invulnerability, one in superior healing, one in speed.
[1936.0s] So we got three left.
[1939.0s] Can I have extra strongsies?
[1942.0s] You want a maximum power or?
[1947.0s] I want the one that makes my spells fucking fuck.
[1951.0s] I think that was maximum power.
[1953.0s] I think that's the max power.
[1955.0s] I thought I just read potion of virility and I was like, oh shit.
[1960.0s] I don't remember hearing about that potion.
[1962.0s] I'll give you one of those, but for later.
[1964.0s] Yeah.
[1965.0s] Max power.
[1966.0s] First time you cast damage dealing spell of fourth level or lower within one minute
[1970.0s] after drinking the potion.
[1972.0s] So it's for one spell.
[1975.0s] The first time you cast.
[1977.0s] Amy, if the virility potion lasts for more than four hours, you need to contact
[1981.0s] a doctor.
[1983.0s] Call your healer.
[1987.0s] So it's a, it's a one minute, one time cast, but you get max damage off.
[1992.0s] Yeah.
[1993.0s] So if you've got your level four spell that you're throwing at him and it's like might
[1997.0s] as well hit him.
[1998.0s] You drink that and then you, you cast that potion.
[2001.0s] Oh, so the things that, oh, I could use moonbeam, right?
[2008.0s] He's not, they didn't say radian.
[2010.0s] They didn't say radian damage motherfucker.
[2012.0s] And that's 4d10 at fourth level.
[2016.0s] At fourth level.
[2017.0s] So that'd be 40 damage.
[2018.0s] And I mean, who knows?
[2019.0s] Sometimes undead things have extra trouble with radiant spells.
[2023.0s] Maybe they do.
[2024.0s] Okay, cool.
[2025.0s] I will take that.
[2026.0s] Yep.
[2027.0s] Yep.
[2028.0s] Who knows?
[2029.0s] Russ is like kill Amy first before she has a chance to use that.
[2031.0s] I already told you spell casters are priority numero uno.
[2034.0s] Well, you're not going to know a spell caster.
[2037.0s] I mean, he's not going to know.
[2041.0s] Do either of you guys have a spare weapon that is a good weapon that you don't use?
[2048.0s] Because I don't really have any great ones.
[2050.0s] I sure do.
[2051.0s] So if I'm trying to fight.
[2053.0s] Are you better with melee or ranged?
[2059.0s] Also, do you, do you want to say moist?
[2064.0s] That's not going to help though.
[2065.0s] It's cold damage.
[2066.0s] Well, it just said he's resistant to it.
[2068.0s] It's not that he's, well, at least.
[2070.0s] He would just take the half damage.
[2071.0s] He just takes the half.
[2072.0s] But it's still bonus damage over its unmoist form.
[2077.0s] Speak moistly.
[2078.0s] Let's keep saying moist.
[2079.0s] Moist, moist, moist.
[2080.0s] Moist.
[2081.0s] Oh, I have five healing kits as well.
[2083.0s] Look at me go.
[2085.0s] Okay.
[2086.0s] I have a longbow.
[2087.0s] I have a superior healing potion.
[2090.0s] I mean, yeah, any potions that you already have, you can, you would still take in.
[2094.0s] But yeah, ranged or melee?
[2096.0s] Did you answer?
[2097.0s] Yes.
[2098.0s] Good question.
[2099.0s] I have probably melee.
[2101.0s] Like I have a crossbow and I have walloping ammunition.
[2105.0s] That's pretty good.
[2109.0s] I see in my inventory.
[2111.0s] I happen to have a flame tongue longsword.
[2114.0s] Oh no, that's part of the rod.
[2115.0s] Nevermind.
[2117.0s] Yeah.
[2118.0s] All right.
[2119.0s] I have a two handed greataxe.
[2120.0s] I have a plus three spear.
[2121.0s] Oh no, that's part of the rod.
[2124.0s] Yeah.
[2125.0s] Like there's so many things in the rod.
[2127.0s] I do have a two handed greataxe and I've also got a dwarven thrower that I could pass
[2133.0s] your way if need be.
[2135.0s] You need to be attuned to it so we would just have to count that as like downtime
[2139.0s] stuff before you go in.
[2144.0s] Or can you?
[2145.0s] Because I thought that was dwarf only.
[2146.0s] Yeah, that might be dwarf only.
[2149.0s] But I mean having a weapon versus not having a weapon.
[2153.0s] All I have are bows.
[2155.0s] I have longbow.
[2156.0s] Yeah.
[2157.0s] I mean I have a, yeah.
[2160.0s] I have a fucking lich.
[2166.0s] Because I have a mace of terror which is like a weapon but also has three charges
[2173.0s] and can make people be frightened so may work in the lead up to.
[2178.0s] But certainly not in the fight against the big bad.
[2180.0s] But that isn't necessarily the problem.
[2183.0s] Like we're going to run into a lot of guards and other randos I assume.
[2186.0s] We're not just going to appear like.
[2189.0s] And he's just going to be there.
[2191.0s] And he's right there.
[2192.0s] So I do have that and now that I have looked at it doesn't do a lot of damage
[2196.0s] but it can make people run away from me.
[2199.0s] So that's not the worst.
[2202.0s] Okay.
[2203.0s] Well yeah this the two handed axe I have does do 2d12 for damage.
[2210.0s] I just think that might be too.
[2212.0s] Too cumbersome for you?
[2214.0s] Too big for me is my guess.
[2219.0s] What do you have under weapon proficiencies?
[2222.0s] Martial weapons and simple weapons.
[2225.0s] I mean it is a martial weapon.
[2230.0s] Guys.
[2231.0s] You'd be able to use it.
[2232.0s] I still have three teleportation diamonds.
[2235.0s] So you can move 30 feet in the blink of an eye.
[2239.0s] And my tome of displacement or thunder step.
[2245.0s] Funda Funda.
[2247.0s] Funda Funda Malu Amat Makhuro.
[2251.0s] I will never have that memorized.
[2252.0s] I will always read that off.
[2255.0s] Funda Funda.
[2256.0s] They're real elvish words okay.
[2258.0s] I know.
[2259.0s] Elvish.
[2260.0s] Elvin.
[2261.0s] Elvin.
[2263.0s] Okay.
[2264.0s] Are we just going in?
[2265.0s] I'm like legit nervous.
[2266.0s] I haven't been up against like a big bad in a while so I'm like a little bit.
[2271.0s] I don't know.
[2272.0s] I don't know man.
[2273.0s] Well you still got two potions to pick too.
[2275.0s] Oh.
[2276.0s] So you want to just sink them into healing?
[2278.0s] Should we just put them into healing or?
[2280.0s] Probably.
[2281.0s] Yeah that's probably.
[2282.0s] So everybody has a superior healing.
[2286.0s] Yen Bull and Thea have an invulnerability.
[2288.0s] Okay.
[2289.0s] I'm going to add these to my other possessions.
[2293.0s] Thea has a maximum power.
[2295.0s] So Thea got three out of this.
[2297.0s] Oh.
[2298.0s] Checks out.
[2299.0s] It's fine.
[2300.0s] There's seven in this.
[2301.0s] Seven sheenies in.
[2302.0s] And Flint has a speed.
[2305.0s] So yeah mark the ones you've got if you can.
[2309.0s] I can always go in after everything.
[2312.0s] What's my third?
[2314.0s] Maximum power, invulnerability and superior healing.
[2325.0s] Hey welcome to the middle.
[2327.0s] We're here.
[2328.0s] Actually it's just me.
[2330.0s] Recording schedules and events have the episode coming out a little later than usual.
[2334.0s] And just me doing the middle which is totally fine because I love to talk to you one
[2339.0s] on one.
[2340.0s] Just you and me.
[2341.0s] We don't have anything to pitch you here today.
[2344.0s] But want to just address the fact that you have probably seen on either social media
[2349.0s] on Patreon that Dumb Dragons Productions has donated our Patreon earnings through
[2354.0s] this month of June to Black Lives Matter Foundation Inc.
[2359.0s] Which is a global organization in the US, UK and Canada whose mission is to eradicate
[2364.0s] white supremacy and build local power to intervene in violence inflicted on black
[2369.0s] communities by the state and vigilantes by combating and countering acts of violence
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[2378.0s] They're winning immediate improvements in their lives.
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[2396.0s] We've put a post up on our Patreon page as well as all of our social media but
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[2421.0s] We hope you are all safe and healthy.
[2425.0s] Remember that Covid is still very much a thing.
[2428.0s] Social distancing is very important.
[2431.0s] Wash your hands.
[2432.0s] Be safe when you go out and make sure you reach out to loved ones to talk
[2436.0s] about things that are going on in your life and in the world.
[2441.0s] It's very important.
[2442.0s] Hopefully you have a great week.
[2444.0s] Be safe.
[2445.0s] We'll get you back to the episode now.
[2447.0s] We are back in game after we get back here.
[2450.0s] A little bit of free planning before the break.
[2453.0s] But was it the right planning?
[2454.0s] Who knows.
[2455.0s] We'll find out as we get back to it.
[2457.0s] Have a great week.
[2458.0s] We'll talk to you soon.
[2460.0s] So I have created for you three superior healing potions.
[2469.0s] Two potions of invulnerability.
[2473.0s] One is already handing one to you.
[2477.0s] One of maximum power and one of speed.
[2483.0s] These will be tools that hopefully will help us.
[2488.0s] When we can find the right time to use them.
[2492.0s] Thank you.
[2494.0s] Thank you, Manix.
[2495.0s] This will be a great help.
[2498.0s] You see Manix slip 18 other potions into his own bag.
[2502.0s] I'm glad I was a little worried.
[2504.0s] He was just giving them all to us.
[2505.0s] It didn't really make sense.
[2506.0s] Well, I thought he was going to be like, and good luck up there, kids.
[2510.0s] You'll need it.
[2511.0s] See you later.
[2512.0s] What?
[2517.0s] When we are ready, I will open the portal.
[2526.0s] I think there is no time like the present.
[2530.0s] And the present is a gift.
[2532.0s] Let's go.
[2533.0s] Let's go.
[2538.0s] Manix leads you off a path into the woods to a clearing that's overgrown.
[2549.0s] The more you look at it and inspect it, there are stones surrounding the perimeter of this clearing.
[2558.0s] There are runes that have been like mossed over.
[2562.0s] And as Manix goes around and cleans them up as best he can in the time that you have.
[2570.0s] He goes to the center and beckons the three of you to join him.
[2577.0s] Begins a quiet, what sounds like a prayer, but you know more to be the spell to get you inside of Shangalar's pyramid.
[2591.0s] He looks up and says, last chance.
[2598.0s] I look at Flint and I say, don't let me go off the rails, OK, buddy?
[2604.0s] I got you.
[2609.0s] He looks back down and the dust beneath your feet begins to swirl.
[2616.0s] And the same energy that you saw him cast in the tunnels beneath Kalimport begins to surround you and swirl around you.
[2626.0s] You begin to see flashes like lightning cresting around the perimeter of this clearing.
[2634.0s] You hear screams off to one side, moaning and groaning off to another.
[2644.0s] You see flashes of images of the undead rushing Kalimport.
[2650.0s] You see families running and hiding.
[2654.0s] You see a quick flash of a sunken in, stretched skin covered skull that looks straight at you for a blink of an eye.
[2671.0s] And in a snap, you are in a room.
[2677.0s] It takes a moment as you catch your breath.
[2686.0s] You look around at your surroundings and it appears to be a library.
[2695.0s] Guys, we didn't, I just realized we didn't make a plan.
[2698.0s] We didn't actually fucking make a plan.
[2700.0s] We just got some potions and then said, let's do this.
[2703.0s] I mean, do we ever really make a plan?
[2705.0s] No, I guess not.
[2706.0s] But I mean, I just wanted to say that we said we were going to, like a lot of good ideas I felt were thrown out there.
[2712.0s] But like, we definitely for sure did not make a plan.
[2715.0s] I think we, we fight who we see and we try to find our way to that corpse.
[2724.0s] Okay.
[2725.0s] That is our only plan.
[2726.0s] We have a plan now. That is a plan.
[2727.0s] Okay. I feel better.
[2730.0s] Do we hear anything or is it a nice, quiet Kalim library?
[2734.0s] Is there like an undead librarian just like shuffling around?
[2739.0s] You get a good look at your surroundings.
[2741.0s] Books are lining the walls from floor to ceiling and the ceiling seems like it goes on forever.
[2748.0s] There is a hearth and a chair with its back face to you.
[2755.0s] And as you begin to move around in the space, you don't see any doors.
[2763.0s] And then a figure stands up from the chair.
[2768.0s] It's a younger man.
[2771.0s] He looks to be in his late 20s, early 30s, slicked back, light brown hair, very fair skin, dressed in a crisp black overcoat and pressed shirt and pants.
[2785.0s] And he turns and looks at you and says, welcome to my master's home.
[2791.0s] So nice of you to drop in.
[2793.0s] Please come have a seat.
[2795.0s] And as he says that three more chairs pop up out of the floor.
[2809.0s] The intro song Nowhere Land is by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
[2816.0s] All other music and sound effects can be found at epidemicsound.com.
[2821.0s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers, Christian Brown, Devin Michaels, Gabriel Lynch, Jacob Madden, Joshua Dixon, Kat Waterflame and Stevie.
[2833.0s] To find out more how you can support Dumbgeons and Dragons, visit Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[2840.0s] Thank you for listening. Have a great week.
[2843.0s] We'll talk soon.
[2845.0s] Yeah, absolutely.
[2846.0s] Giggles every time he says phylactery.
[2849.0s] She's like, OK, just throw that in there.
[2857.0s] I hope you know that Amy and I showed great restraint because the first time you said it, we were both like, well, I made a face like I know.
[2865.0s] I looked at you said it again.
[2866.0s] And I was like, OK, that's the word he's saying.
[2869.0s] It clearly is a word.
[2871.0s] I just don't know.
[2872.0s] Really, we were both like, I 100 percent giggled because I looked at your face at the same time that he said it.
[2877.0s] We were like.
[2879.0s] And it's kind of and it's just a gross word.
[2882.0s] It is. And that's why they giggle at it, because it's kind of like, I don't know.
[2886.0s] It's just it makes me uncomfortable like flaccid, flactery.
[2891.0s] I don't know.
[2892.0s] It's where he makes flaccid penises.
[2895.0s] Someone's got to make them.
[2896.0s] That's true.
[2898.0s] There's a demand worldwide.
[2900.0s] He's done his monologue, but I'm going to cut to another scene.
[2904.0s] We can come back to this.
[2905.0s] This is boring.
[2907.0s] Wait, I had a question.
[2908.0s] I just learned that half my spells suck.
[2911.0s] Write your question down.
[2914.0s] Write your question down.
[2916.0s] I'll remember it.
[2917.0s] He will get to all questions at the end.
[2919.0s] We'll get to all questions at the end when there will be a Q&A period.
[2921.0s] OK, I look forward to that.
[2923.0s] Carla's an elder.
[2925.0s] Pick a name for yourself.
[2928.0s] Elder or something.
[2933.0s] Itch Blast.
[2934.0s] I'm Elder Itch Blast.
[2943.0s] I can also pick names if you need.
[2945.0s] I mean, that's much better than the name I wrote down.
[2948.0s] Do you want me to say that?
[2949.0s] Sure.
[2950.0s] They're going to take on the Lichshanger.
[2953.0s] Oh, fuck.
[2954.0s] This is why I didn't say the name.
[2956.0s] They're going to take on the Lichshanger.
[2960.0s] Nope.
[2961.0s] No?
[2962.0s] Just say they're going to take on the Lichshanger.
[2964.0s] I'll say Shangri-La.
[2965.0s] They're going to take on the Lichshanger.
[2968.0s] You already said it.
[2969.0s] It's fine.
[2970.0s] How do you say it?
[2971.0s] Shangri-La.
[2972.0s] What did I say?
[2973.0s] Shangri-La.
[2974.0s] No, I did not.
[2975.0s] You did.
[2976.0s] Damn it.
[2977.0s] Yep.
[2978.0s] You get a good look at your surroundings.
[2982.0s] Bluey decimal.
[2987.0s] Is there just a section that says phylacteries and where to find them?
[2991.0s] Yeah.
[2992.0s] These are going to be great bloopers, everybody.
[2996.0s] Is there an emergency exit map on the wall that outlines all the different floors?
[3002.0s] Sure.
[3003.0s] No.
[3004.0s] Okay.
[3005.0s] Yeah.
[3006.0s] No.
[3007.0s] Yeah, absolutely.
[3008.0s] This is all just bloopers then?
[3009.0s] That's what I said.
[3010.0s] They'll be the great bloopers.
[3011.0s] Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.